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Destiny’s Pet Peeves (Volume 1) January 11, 2009

Posted by Destiny in Ranting and Raving and Carrying On, Things that keep me up at night.
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Welcome to the first edition of Destiny’s Pet Peeves.  Today I’ll be ranting about fashion!  Here we go!

– Baggy jeans, especially if you can tell the guy wearing them has/might have a nice ass.  What a crime against society, hiding your booty like that!

-Wearing the aforementioned baggy jeans with a belt, but the belt is around your ass/hips rather than your waist.  It’s just not a good look.  It’s even worse when you can see their boxers, and they have to waddle because they can’t move their legs properly because their pants are wrapped around their damn thighs!

– Socks with sandals.  (Need I say more?)

– Wearing a hockey/football jeresey and tucking it in.  Seriously, the only reason you should be tucking your jersey in is if you’re actually playing the sport and are in uniform.

– Wearing your ball cap with the brim totally straight and cocked on your head.  (Extra boos if your hair is spiky underneath all this mess.)  You totally look like a douche.  Stop it.  Bend the fucking hat brim, and put the hat on your head properly, you look like a handicapped duck.  The brim is meant to shield the eyes from sun, and you’re standing there squinting like a moron because your hat brim is on top of your fool head.  Take the damn stickers off, while you’re at it.  Your worn-in Yankees cap was once a bright shade of white, now it’s a dull greyish color, yet your shiny-new MLB sticker is still attached.  Why?  Let the hat age gracefully.  There’s actually something kind of sexy about a guy in a worn in baseball cap.

– Women: (I’m not just picking on the guys here, the fairer sex is guilty of some awful fashion as well!)  When your face is Fake-N-Bake Orange and your lips are a totally unnatural shade of whitish-pink, you look like an oompa loompa with a coke problem.  Just thought you should know.

– Speaking of women and lips, enough with the “Kissy Face Look” for the love of God!  Since when was being a goldfish sexy?

– Back to the men for a moment!  Unless you fall into the following categories:  Professional Wrestler, at a football game, a member of Kiss, Dee Snyder, dressing up for Halloween/a costume party, or an actor, lay off the make up!  Stay out of your sister/girlfriend’s closet and stop stealing her jeans too!  You look stupid.  Stop wearing skin tight jeans that you can’t pull up over your ass properly and wearing a belt with them!  See those numbers on the tags when  you buy them?  That’s called a size.  It’s very easy, measure your waist and then take that number, and use it when you buy pants.  If you see that number on the tag, then those pants will fit you properly.  Try it sometime!

– One more for the ladies and then I’m done.  I’m so not following this whole Emo/Scene look.  Oh, the hairstyles!  You look as though you’ve killed a nest of squirrels, stuffed them, colored the fuck out of them with Crayola markers, added glitter, ribbons, Christmas lights, and whatever other crap you found in your mom’s craft drawer, and then placed the whole ridiculous ensemble on your head.  Then to top it all off, the make up!  You are not a cartoon.  You are a human being!  Make up is for enhancing your natural look, not to make you look like Sailor Fucking Moon!  Unless you’re in a play or it’s fucking Halloween or something, put the makeup brush down!

What are your fashion pet peeves?  Share them in the comments!


Puff the Magic Dragon January 10, 2009

Posted by Destiny in Media Play, Ranting and Raving and Carrying On, Things that keep me up at night.
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Ok, so I know this is going to seem totally random, but it kind of is.  See, I was at work, jamming on my seemingly immortal MP3 player when “Puff the Magic Dragon” came on.  It’s one of those songs I know but have never really sat down and listened to.  I was standing while I was at work but I decided to take the time to listen to the tune nonetheless, and I have come to the following conclusion:

Jackie Paper is the worst friend ever.  Seriously.  If I had a dragon for a friend, I’d never desert him/her/it.  Shit, it’s only been my dream since I was about nine!  Come on, people, a dragon!  You’d always have a ride to school (well, work in my case), and bullies (assholes in my case) would never fuck with you.  “Yeah, call me fatty one more time and my friend here will turn you into a rotisserie, Colonel Sanders style!”  That’d be the end of that!

Dragons are the most bad-ass creatures I can think of, so I’d love to have one on my side!

Shame on Jackie Paper for leaving Puff just because he grew up.   Screw growing up!  I’m 24 and I still believe in dragons!  Jackie Paper doesn’t deserve to have a loyal friend like Puff.  What kind of last name is Paper anyway?  Is he like Jan Brady’s imaginary boyfriend, George Glass?

…Why do I know Jan Brady’s imaginary boyfriend’s name?

Ridiculous, I say!