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Things you can do with a brick. January 25, 2009

Posted by Destiny in Randomness, Things that keep me up at night.
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*Disclaimer*  This blog is for entertainment purposes only.  Don’t try this stuff at home, kids.  (Well, the dangerous/criminal stuff, anyway.)  If you want to try number two, that’s on you.

1.  Hit someone in the head with it.  Of course this is number one, I’ve watched too much wrestling over the years.

2. Name it Bricky and keep it as a pet.  Keep it in a cage lined with newspaper and a bowl of water.  Feed it regularly.

3. Give it to someone you don’t like as a birthday gift.  Wrap it up in pretty paper and ribbons and give it to them with a smile.

4.  Throw it through a window.  (Don’t get caught!)

5. Put it in your purse (if you’re a woman) and hit someone with it.  When they ask “WTF do you have a brick in that thing?” Laugh and show them the brick.

6. Drop it from a really high building and see what happens.  (Don’t get caught!)

7 Box it up and mail it to someone.  (This would be a waste of money and I don’t even know if it’s legal, so I wouldn’t recommend it.)

8. If you make the brick your pet, paint eyes and a mouth on it and stuff.  Decorate it with macaroni or something.  Give it personality and flair.  Woo!

9. Bring it to an ECW show and see if a wrestler will use it during their match.  Well this would work if it were like, 1998 or something, damn it.

10. Wrap it up in brown paper and put it on someone’s porch to see if they think it’s a bomb.  For Pete’s sake, don’t get caught!
Well, that’s all I got.  What would you do with a brick?

Destiny’s Pet Peeves (Volume 1) January 11, 2009

Posted by Destiny in Ranting and Raving and Carrying On, Things that keep me up at night.
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Welcome to the first edition of Destiny’s Pet Peeves.  Today I’ll be ranting about fashion!  Here we go!

– Baggy jeans, especially if you can tell the guy wearing them has/might have a nice ass.  What a crime against society, hiding your booty like that!

-Wearing the aforementioned baggy jeans with a belt, but the belt is around your ass/hips rather than your waist.  It’s just not a good look.  It’s even worse when you can see their boxers, and they have to waddle because they can’t move their legs properly because their pants are wrapped around their damn thighs!

– Socks with sandals.  (Need I say more?)

– Wearing a hockey/football jeresey and tucking it in.  Seriously, the only reason you should be tucking your jersey in is if you’re actually playing the sport and are in uniform.

– Wearing your ball cap with the brim totally straight and cocked on your head.  (Extra boos if your hair is spiky underneath all this mess.)  You totally look like a douche.  Stop it.  Bend the fucking hat brim, and put the hat on your head properly, you look like a handicapped duck.  The brim is meant to shield the eyes from sun, and you’re standing there squinting like a moron because your hat brim is on top of your fool head.  Take the damn stickers off, while you’re at it.  Your worn-in Yankees cap was once a bright shade of white, now it’s a dull greyish color, yet your shiny-new MLB sticker is still attached.  Why?  Let the hat age gracefully.  There’s actually something kind of sexy about a guy in a worn in baseball cap.

– Women: (I’m not just picking on the guys here, the fairer sex is guilty of some awful fashion as well!)  When your face is Fake-N-Bake Orange and your lips are a totally unnatural shade of whitish-pink, you look like an oompa loompa with a coke problem.  Just thought you should know.

– Speaking of women and lips, enough with the “Kissy Face Look” for the love of God!  Since when was being a goldfish sexy?

– Back to the men for a moment!  Unless you fall into the following categories:  Professional Wrestler, at a football game, a member of Kiss, Dee Snyder, dressing up for Halloween/a costume party, or an actor, lay off the make up!  Stay out of your sister/girlfriend’s closet and stop stealing her jeans too!  You look stupid.  Stop wearing skin tight jeans that you can’t pull up over your ass properly and wearing a belt with them!  See those numbers on the tags when  you buy them?  That’s called a size.  It’s very easy, measure your waist and then take that number, and use it when you buy pants.  If you see that number on the tag, then those pants will fit you properly.  Try it sometime!

– One more for the ladies and then I’m done.  I’m so not following this whole Emo/Scene look.  Oh, the hairstyles!  You look as though you’ve killed a nest of squirrels, stuffed them, colored the fuck out of them with Crayola markers, added glitter, ribbons, Christmas lights, and whatever other crap you found in your mom’s craft drawer, and then placed the whole ridiculous ensemble on your head.  Then to top it all off, the make up!  You are not a cartoon.  You are a human being!  Make up is for enhancing your natural look, not to make you look like Sailor Fucking Moon!  Unless you’re in a play or it’s fucking Halloween or something, put the makeup brush down!

What are your fashion pet peeves?  Share them in the comments!

Puff the Magic Dragon January 10, 2009

Posted by Destiny in Media Play, Ranting and Raving and Carrying On, Things that keep me up at night.
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Ok, so I know this is going to seem totally random, but it kind of is.  See, I was at work, jamming on my seemingly immortal MP3 player when “Puff the Magic Dragon” came on.  It’s one of those songs I know but have never really sat down and listened to.  I was standing while I was at work but I decided to take the time to listen to the tune nonetheless, and I have come to the following conclusion:

Jackie Paper is the worst friend ever.  Seriously.  If I had a dragon for a friend, I’d never desert him/her/it.  Shit, it’s only been my dream since I was about nine!  Come on, people, a dragon!  You’d always have a ride to school (well, work in my case), and bullies (assholes in my case) would never fuck with you.  “Yeah, call me fatty one more time and my friend here will turn you into a rotisserie, Colonel Sanders style!”  That’d be the end of that!

Dragons are the most bad-ass creatures I can think of, so I’d love to have one on my side!

Shame on Jackie Paper for leaving Puff just because he grew up.   Screw growing up!  I’m 24 and I still believe in dragons!  Jackie Paper doesn’t deserve to have a loyal friend like Puff.  What kind of last name is Paper anyway?  Is he like Jan Brady’s imaginary boyfriend, George Glass?

…Why do I know Jan Brady’s imaginary boyfriend’s name?

Ridiculous, I say!

Writer’s Block. January 2, 2009

Posted by Destiny in A note from Destiny, Things that keep me up at night.
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I’m quite angry with myself at the moment.   I made this stupid blog and now I have no idea what to write in it.  I am suffering from the worst writer’s block imaginable.  I had ideas at work the other day but I never got a chance to write them down.  For shame!

Hopefully Friday finds some inspiration for me.  I promise I have some cool things to say, I just have to find them.  If push comes to shove I will find some old stuff to recycle until I get post ideas.
Hope everyone has a happy Friday.  🙂